Enthusiasm for life.

What does it feel like? I enjoy my children in a completely different way, having adult discussions, listening to them, and hearing about their lives, and how they approach life's challenges. Seeing how my character has changed over the years, wondering if I had made the right decisions in my life and with hindsight reflecting on my own parents and how they lived.

Looking at oneself I am aware of all the physical changes. One searches for the person you thought you recognized, and you can only see familiar features that once related to you being you.

It's not something one notices, it just seems to happen, you become invisible and realize no one is bothered by what you do or say. It could be called age discrimination, I have experienced it from males of my age, they imply I wouldn't understand. I find this extremely frustrating and demeaning. 

On the upside, I now have more time to paint, create, read, listen, and take time to enjoy life. I have joined a group of like-minded women, and we promote art in our community by creating displays, organizing art trails and activities open to the broader community. This has inspired me to totally immerse myself in my artwork. I am putting together an exhibition of work that portrays how living every moment in life is what I feel it's all about in the end. 

Having experienced some of life's journey, the suffering, and the ecstasy, I feel enthusiasm for leaving my comfort zone, to stand outside myself looking into my disorder and upheaval. By experiencing my life fully I can ultimately distinguish truths from falsehoods, and learn how not to give a damn and to give myself a break to just be me.